Beverage Corporation to sue Kerala Tourism

The Kerala Beverage Corporation(Bevco) today announced its intent to drag Kerala Tourism (KT) to court. Speaking at a press conference,the Managing Director said that it had taken strong offense to Bevco being given the snub in the recently released short film on kerala.

The film was released at a glitzy event in London,as part of the KT promotion drive,and was touted as being a glimpse of the diaspora on offer in God's Own Country.This however was subjected to immense ridicule by Kerala's sizeable drinking population.

"The tourism thingy is a whole lot of bullcrap,kerala's entire socio political framework is on display outside Bevco outlets,this is what defines a Malayali,this is our identity!!",said a remarkably eloquent and liberally greased gentleman waiting patiently for his pint.

"We have a certain responsibility towards society,we uphold the interests of every individual who savours his favourite label after a hard day's work.Another damning factor is the revenue Bevco pumps into the Government's coffers,surely you cant overlook that!!",said the managing director,who appeared to be pretty incensed.

Support poured in from entirely unexpected quarters.The School Teachers' Association has reportedly written to KT to look into the matter with eager urgency."The queue outside an outlet is the best place to teach young kids the virtues of discipline and patience.We re even contemplating organizing field trips for our students,such is the stature Bevco holds here",said a representative.

Bevco,will,in protest be downing shutters tomorrow,but have rushed in buffer stock so as to avoid possible mass suicides.

Justifying the lockdown,a store owner said,"a daily pint is of paramount importance to the average malayali,even more than their patram,beedi and chaaya(newspaper,beedi and tea)".

Kerala Tourism spokespersons were not available for comment as they were busy stocking up for tomorrow.However,unconfirmed reports do point to the possibility of an early out-of-court settlement,as KT seem to have realized their folly,and are ready to atone for their blasphemy.

Delhi roads to be turned into waterways

In an epoch making move that has caught everyone by surprise,The Municipal Corporation of Delhi(MCD),announced its intent to cash in on the woeful waterlogging crisis by turning all roads into waterways and operating ferries. The announcement was followed,almost immediately,by bluelines flocking to the garage in a bid to dabble in remodelling and try passing off the buses as ferries.In completely unrelated news,a massive spurt in people signing up for swimming lessons was recorded.

"This just goes to prove that Delhi is an awesome city,a city that knows how to tide over difficulties. The Commonwealth Games will happen as per plan",said the chief minister Sheila Dikshit,though mediapersons at the press conference were left wondering what she meant.

"This move is primarily to ease the workload on our phone operators who are tired of hanging up each time people call in to report waterlogging",said a source who wished to remain anonymous.

The Delhi government has roped in beleagured,though still flamboyant ipl main man Lalit Modi to oversee the leasing out of various routes across the city to key corporate players who shall be given the responsibility of operating services.

Speaking to the press after the plan was unveiled,an ecstatic mr Modi said,"This is an honour. I m fpeechleff"

Allaying fears over the transparency of the whole process,he said,"The bidding shall be as per rules laid out by the government,there will be no foul play,mere lifp ki kasam!(i swear by my lisp)".

If all goes as per plan,Delhi will be the first city to turn a rather harrowing situation to its advantage.

Many cities all over the world have reportedly expressed interest in following in Delhi's footsteps.

Gunther Wvivelhof

The mellow afternoon sun shone over Himmelsplatze,a sleepy little village nestled in the famed Black Forest of Germany and flanked by pristine snow capped peaks.

It was a very famous tourist destination and contributed a fair deal to Germany's coffers,but nothing served to destroy the tranquility and peace of the village.

This was what had appealed to Gunther Wvivelhof. He had been to this place many times on holiday as a child and had always wanted to get himself a small niche in this lovely place.

It was no wonder then,that he wasted no time in accepting the german government's offer of honorary citizenship and a cottage in this heavenly abode to atone for the atrocities they had inflicted on his family.

He could,however,never forgive the germans,Nazis to be specific for what they had done.They had destroyed his carefree,innocent,bubbly childhood..They had left an indelible scar on his psyche.. They had torn apart his peaceful existence and thrown him headlong into a terrifying abyss.. They had wiped out his entire family..

Memories came rushing back and overwhelmed the old man,as the events of that day unfolded viciously before his mind's eye,sending a menacing shiver down his spine.. He was a 10 year old lad then,living life to his fullest, oblivious to the mayhem the nazis were causing all over europe,and then,all of a sudden,the tragedy hit home..

He woke up That day to a cacaphony of wails and moans as his dad whisked him and his mum off to the cellar and asked them to hide underneath the floorboards.His tender mind failed to grasp the import of the situation,but did as he was told. His mum then told him,in the darkness,that the SS were rounding up all jews and sending them to concentration camps,and that they were safe where they were.Her words however,were drowned out in a deafening round of gunshots punctuated by screams,as the gunmen fired incessantly.. They had,somehow,chanced upon their hiding place.. Wvivelhof miraculously,survived..

What then followed was a flight for survival,as he somehow managed to escape to Great Britain,and many years were spent eking out a living doing odd jobs.. He however had revenge on his mind all the time,but could see no means of exacting the same.. It was then that he was reminded of a saying he had heard long back:The Pen Is Mightier Than The Sword.. A determined Wvivelhof hence channelled his hatred for the nazis into a stinging memoir:Beneath The Floorboards,and somehow managed to get it published,after enduring immense hardships.. The response was unexpected and unprecedented.. He became the face of the crusade against the diabolic Nazi empire,and his works fuelled the popular anti nazi sentiments..

In the summer of 1945,he was knighted.Gunther Wvivelhof had become an influential figure,in the movement against Adolf Hitler..

Thinking of all that he had done in his halycon days,he felt a surge of pride taking over his ageing body.. He had,in his own way made the Germans pay for what they had done to his family..

However,there was one issue which still didnt make sense to him.. It had remained a vexed matter all his life.. He somehow couldnt fathom how he had managed to dodge the bullets That day under the floorboards..

And it was then that the reason struck him,as he basked in the afternoon sun on his porch,a reason so simple and clear,he himself was astounded..

Sir Wvivelhof The Fittest...



ps:in case you are scratching your head with a ferocity reserved only for exams,this is my maiden attempt at a shenoyn :) Now,a Shenoyn is this long,labourious and construed story that ultimately culminates in an outrageous wordplay on a popular proverb/saying/phrase,like i ve endeavoured to do here:) Do check out Narendra Shenoy's blog for more awesome,groanworthy Shenoyns :)Needless to say,he is the pioneer :) You will find the link on my blog roll :) ta:)

pps:Please dont try and correlate historically :)

Spin a yarn

I ve been hit by a rather overwhelming wave of nostalgia since morning.

What probably triggered this avalanche of memories could be the old copy of tinkle digest that i chanced upon while rummaging through my shelf.. :)

I ve always been a big fan of Tinkle.. Tickled the funny bone and provided food for thought in equal measure.. And it gave us a whole range of totally cult characters :)

Shikari shambhu,Kalia the crow,Tantri the mantri,Suppandi (my earliest definition of kickass:)) shall forever remain etched in my memory.. Btw, sample this suppandi classic:

• Master:Hey,what are you upto?

• Suppandi:Killing these mosquitoes master.. got 7 till now,4 male,3 female.

• M:How on earth did you figure that out?

• S:simple,master..4 were sitting on the cigarette pack,they re male.. the other 3 were on the mirror,hence female :)

• M: :-o

But the section which intrigued and fascinated me the most was the it happened to me bit.. That our peers went through such peculiar experiences was totally awesome :)

So i decided to amble down memory line and hunt for a "it happened to me" to turn into a blog post :)

And i didnt have to put the leg muscles to much exercise,for i hit upon a relatively recent incident which can only be described as a manifestation of Murphy's Law ;)

This happened in 2008.. Our college life had just begun and we were all rather excited and looking forward to having a gala time on campus..

Thats as ironic as ironic can get.. Exciting and Happening are two words which have been struck off from my dictionary as far as college is concerned..

It is akin to the albatross strung around the mariner's neck.. A constant reminder of what could ve been had i taken my entrance coaching a bit more seriously.. ah damn,veering off course for a remorse as profound as this is not warranted,so i cut back to my storytelling :)

So,college had just begun when the mechanical department organised this totally awesome 3 day tech fest most aptly named Geared '08 at kanakakunnu palace,tvm..

It was the last day of the event and we were having a totally rollicking time,what with auto expos,stunt shows and other awesome events.. The weather gods however were not amused by this revelry,and called up the guy manning the rain department..

• WG: sonny,em guys down there are having a blast and we aint likin it.. U got somethin to spice up things?

• RG:uh,well we ve got a dozen rolling pins,arc lights and a decent water supply boss,ssat good for you?

• WG:hmmm,that should be interesting,humour us..

• RG:awright boss..
  

evidently,the rain guy performed his duty with utmost sincerity and dedication, the result being a torrential downpour in the evening..

it was getting rather dark and when there was a brief letup in the rain,me and two of my friends decided that legging it would be the ideal course of action.. We accordingly set course for the bus stop,fervently hoping that the guys upstairs would be kind enough to relent till we reached home.. That, however, was not to be and the rain started falling thick and fast.. It was then that we realised, in a manner reminiscent of ekta kapoor's serials,that we had just one blessed umbrella with us.. Three guys,one umbrella,and a slush fest.. Perfect,swell,excellent..

We huddled under the solitary u. and bravely trudged on ,all the while liberally trading expletives for the soup that we had landed ourselves in..

we'd been walking for close to 10 minutes,the bus stop was nowhere in sight,and it was then that the import of the situation hit us with full force.. We were walking down the wrong road!!!!!!

picture this:Three guys,relatively new to the city,walking down a deserted road,in total darkness,having no idea of where to go,one umbrella and torrential rains for company.. Most definitely scarier than rgv's phoonk 1and 2 put together!!;)

We stopped to measure our options. We could either turn around and walk back to base,or continue in the same direction,in ankle deep water,praying that the pwd had covered up all manholes.. we chose the latter..

Another 10 minutes of wading through the water yielded no signs of civilization,and the autorickshaws we d tried to flag down,gave us the finger and went past.. we were now officially stranded and positively scared out of our senses.. totally drenched and with the rain showing no signs of letting up,we were literally at our wit's end,when we suddenly spotted a tea stall round the corner!! :) our joy knew no bounds and our frayed nerves were immediately put to rest.. The stall guy told us that we d taken the wrong turn and had reached the Bakery junction !! I really aint privy to the various arteries of trivandrum and i still have no clue as to how we ended up at bakery junction from KP,but thats a different matter altogether :)

the stall guy directed us to the nearest bus stop,and thus ended an ordeal most unnerving..

Thinking of it now does evoke a few giggles,but the situtaion was anything but hilarious as it unfolded... A most harrowing half an hour it was,aint gonna forget this in a hurry :) Ta..

Lets break the monotony.

You know this thing about delhi's summer? apart from the plethora of adjectives its adorned with,viz.relentless,punishing,scorching so on and so forth,i d like to add one more to the burgeoning list: BORING!! The upper case hopefully drives home the emphasis.

For starters,you just cannot step out of your home during these blighted months!! A sadistic,diabolic sphere,most dubiously named the sun,and the all pervading layer of dust that descends on this city during summer work in tandem to put paid to any hopes of venturing outside..

And as the gentleman named murphy so correctly conjectured,if things can go wrong,they most definitely will go wrong.

My beloved system has started acting up, it takes an eternity to load,so much so that i m actually contemplating starting a workshop to impart the virtue of patience,i can literally mint money..

And i dare not switch on the telly,as its been draped in ipl s shroud.. So,to cut a rather long story short, i m totally bored.. But what actually causes saline insertion in an already deep incision is the fact that i ve hauled all my books all the way from tvm as i ve my sem exams to sit thru in may.. imagine trying to study in this sort of dreary weather.. inhuman!!

And had it not been for the good ol ac, i would ve resembled a kwality walls cup kept out in the sun.. And today dawned no different,searing heat,faced with another lethargic day at the office... The tentacles of boredom were creeping up thick n fast, when the thought of my fledgling blog graced the good ol lemon and presented an avenue for breaking the shackles of this monotonous existence..

This post,people,is just what the title claims it is lol.. hmmm,what else to write eh? its been a largely uneventful passage of time..

Alright,i guess i ll stop,else chances of bein showered with the choicest of expletives is pretty high lol.. ta.

Lets Set The Ball Rolling!!Take 2

Yipee!!:) i ve finally put into practise wat i d been contemplating over the past few weeks.. A weblog for myself! so,now i can also become the suave,url toting blogger.. great!!Fantastic!ubercool!!Alright,hang on..In the midst of this euphoria,i m committing one grievous crime.. I am distorting the truth..Its evident from the contradiction in the title..U see,try as you might,you really cannot initiate rolling motion in a ball thats already kicking up dust..physics purists might want to fight this contention tooth to nail,but i dont want to go into the intricacies of the situation,coz i dont want to cause mr newton the distinct discomfort of having to turn in his archaic grave.. coming back to the point,u see,i had already had my blogging arangetram on blogger s sworn enemy, wordpress!! haha reminds you of the shoaib-sania affair na? its only after roshny chechi suggested giving wordpress the finger coz of inherent minus points as compared to blogger that i made the switch,and its actually better than wordpress!! oh well,i guess its not a big thing after all,in this age of car,mobile,sim and wife hopping lol.. so hear i am,typing away furiously at my blighted mobile keypad,churning out my first post on blogger.. alright,i guess i must stop,else this post is in imminent danger of becoming a mindless rant lol cheerio.. ps:i still aint privy to the nuances of creating links,that explains the absence of any even though i should have incorporated them..kindly bear eh..